First blog: The Zombie Invasion

Introductory haiku:
I swore I’d never
start a blog, because who cares
for my half-baked thoughts?

Expository free verse:
But everybody says
successful writers must pollinate
the internet like hopeful flowers.
And besides,
blogging may be the best way
to make the oven timer go “DING!”

Concluding couplet:
So here is the first installment,
For your delight or appallment.

Did you hear the one about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies? That’s . . . the punchline. P&P&Z is an actual novel by Jane Austen and Seth Graham-Smith (who evidently has no shame), published by Quirk Classics. First line: “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want to more brains.” Fans who devoured P&P&Z and are hungry for more will be happy to hear that the companion volume is out: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.

I’m waiting for the baby-boomer favorite, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion (Pocket Books, 2010).

The zombie/vampire craze is bound to run its course, but until it does what about some enterprising children’s author cashing in? I thought of a few possibilities, with opening lines:

1. Peter Rabbit’s Back. “Peter emerged from Mr. McGregor’s garden with a rake embedded in his head and a hunger for something other than carrots and lettuces!

2. Alice’s Interview With a Vampire. Alice was beginning to get tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and having nothing to do, when suddenly a white rabbit with red eyes and pointed teeth ran out of the nearby brush, and leapt for her neck.

3. Charlotte’s Web Of Horror. “‘Where’s Papa going with that ax?’ said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.

4. Goodnight Ghoul. “In the great green room there was a telephone, and a stalking goon, and a picture of . . . a head rolling under a broom. And there were three little bears hanging from stairs–”

Okay, enough of that. I won’t even get to the frantic old lady whispering “Help . . .”

5. Little Wyrd Sisters.  “Solstice won’t be Solstice without human sacrifices,” grumbled Jo, lying on the heath.

6. The Gaping Chest Cavity Of Somewhere. “None of this that I’m about to tell you would have happened if my mother hadn’t found that half-eaten brain in our refrigerator.”

(Private joke, that last one. Unless you read my books.)

That’s all I have the stomach for, but I’m open to suggestions . . . .


5 Responses to “First blog: The Zombie Invasion”

  1. Tina Williams Says:

    This is great, don’t know if it’s true, but it’s great!

    But everybody says
    successful writers must pollinate
    the internet like hopeful flowers.
    And besides,
    blogging may be the best way
    to make the oven timer go “DING!”

    Welcome to the blogging world!!

  2. Charlotte Coyle Says:

    Delightful! As ever, Janie is an artful words weaver.

  3. Glenda Mathes Says:

    Love your new blog! Laughed at the zombie book openings!

  4. lishacauthen Says:

    Welcome to the blogging world! That wasn’t so hard, was it? And oh, Janie, I laughed out loud!

    Gotta tell ya, I don’t get the whole zombie-love thing. Vampires, well, they ARE kinda sexy, in a weird way. Biting necks and all. But zombies? They’re just slobs.

    Congratulations on plunging in! An auspicious debut!

  5. Jaime Says:

    WOW! Every time I read more of your writing I get EVEN more inspired!

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