Everything’s in place for Roy Ray to set off on his journey, but a few details need to be taken care of here. For one, Roy Ray has to get Delphi on his team so she’ll be there when he needs her later, but since she’s reluctant to get involved, he needs to give her a good reason. What do you think of his reason–does it make sense?
I’ve mentioned “ominous” before, but this is the chapter for ominous. The title of the chapter gives it away, but there are two specific things that help create that bad feeling. One is said, and one is done. It seemed to me that I needed a whole chapter to set up a sense of ominous-ness about the tour. But maybe not. Should I just get on with the tour?
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April 28, 2010 at 4:51 pm |
I think you need the extra chapter because it fills in the ‘gaps’. But I don’t think Roy Ray gave Delphi a very good reason to take care of the radio. I think a better reason would be if someone was attacking Delphi’s family, Mr. G (knowing of anonymous ‘s plans) would alert her.
April 29, 2010 at 3:00 pm |
Good point, Max. I’ll think about that.
May 3, 2010 at 7:15 pm |
I am a fifth grader at Leon Springs Elementary School.
You asked if I thought that the tour is taking too long and I think that it is. I think your readers will get bored if you don’t speed it up. Maybe just keep the important things, but I would take out the details that are taking too long to explain.
May 3, 2010 at 7:16 pm |
I am a 5th grader at Leon Springs. My favorite part of this chapter is the party. I love how you described his tunic. It made laugh out loud when Roy Ray described his tunic as a (dress). I love this book.
May 3, 2010 at 7:17 pm |
Im a fith grader at Leon Springs Elementary.I dont think its a good reason because it doesent make sence and its rude how to just set her aside and then use her later and it should be for a good reason for example “Roy Ray needs her because hes going on an journey and he would probaly need some help”.”No” you need a wehole chapter to explain the bad feeling because nobody is going to want to read a chapter about 2 diffrent subjects.It just messes up the chapter.
May 3, 2010 at 7:18 pm |
I am a student at Leon Springs Elementary. Personly I think you should just get on with the tour I mean we need some exitment In this chapter. I think that if Delphi dose not want to help she dosn’t have to and to me that is a good enough reason.
May 3, 2010 at 7:19 pm |
I am a fifth grader at Leon Spring Elemantary. I think you should make the tour a big part in the book. It should be like Delphi calls Roy Ray with some big news about the radio. I really don’t think you need a whole nother chapter, i think you have given plenty of details.
May 3, 2010 at 7:20 pm |
I am a fith grader at Leon Springs Elementray and I think this chapter is graete though I do think you need an extra chapter like max said becuse I dont think roy ray gave a good reasen for delphi to take care of the radio. otherwhys I really like this chapter and I think this will make a grate book when it comes out. P.S (good job)
May 3, 2010 at 7:28 pm |
I am a fifth grader at Leon Spring Elemantary. I think Roy rays reason is a good one because the possibility that Delphi’s father was the mysterious person the phone is rather shoking especially to Delphi.And I think you need this chapter becuase you made Delphi come back and alot of other stuff happened too.
May 3, 2010 at 7:30 pm |
I am a fifth grader at Leon Springs Elementary School. I like this chapter. It is a little depressing at the end, but overall it’s good. I agree that it is a good chapter for ominous-ness (is that a word?) but maybe you could lighten up.
May 7, 2010 at 3:10 pm |
I am a fifth grader at Leon Springs Elementary School. Roy Ray said it was life or death. I don’t think it really makes sense. I think you should just get on with the tour. You don’t need to make a whole chapter about that.
May 7, 2010 at 3:12 pm |
I am a student at Leon Springs Elementary. Yes I think it made sense because he is just trying to help Delphi. I think you should get on with the tour because to much can get really boring.
May 7, 2010 at 3:13 pm |
I am a fifth grader at Leon Spring Elemantary. Yeah the reason that Roy Ray used does make sense. It was a good way to get Delphi on his team. So it was pretty smart to use the life and death and her dad to get her on his team so he can have someone to help him on his adventures and stuff like that. I think you should just get on with the tour thats whats confusing me. Like if its filled with action like Roy Ray meets a new foe or a suspicous person that he doesn’t trust or like. Than later in the story he has to fight and fight well if he doesn’t fight than he’ll just use a letter or something to make peace with them yeah something like that. But i prefer the action so if you could include a enemy of some sort on the tour that Roy Ray has fight later in the story.