Archive for May, 2010


May 21, 2010

One thing I’ve decided from posting these chapters and gathering comments: the first several chapters are too slow, and the last chapters are too fast.  So I need to streamline the front, and expand on the back.  Also, one reason for my posting these chapters in the first place was that I wasn’t too happy with the ending of the story.  It obviously leaves you hanging and opens the way for another installment in the series.  Certainly there’s potential for a series, but the story needs to come to more of a conclusion than it does.  Check it out here.  Any suggestions?


Chapter Twenty-One

May 21, 2010

We finally meet these people that Mr. G has mentioned and the narrative has hinted at since at least Chapter Four.  Some commenters in the earlier chapters have suggested that other bird people seems to make Roy Ray less special, and the story might be better without them.  Do you agree or disagree?  Read the chapter, and let me know back here.

Chapter Twenty

May 18, 2010

The challenge before Roy Ray is to reach the other bird people–if they exist–rescue them if they want to be rescued, find Mr. G if he can and get everybody above ground before they all get caught.  Should be easy . . . NOT!  You’ll notice that he and Delphi are working together: he’s her eyes, and she’s his ears.  But does it seem that he gets out of trouble in this chapter too easily?  Or does it seem just about the right amount of difficulty?  Think about what obstacles he faces and how he overcomes them, then come back and tell me your thoughts.

Chapter 19

May 12, 2010

In this chapter Roy Ray makes his big move.  I don’t particularly approve of his method, because I think young men should have  more respect for girls.  But maybe not these girls.  To see what I’m talking about, read the chapter here.

Chapter Seventeen and Eighteen

May 12, 2010

I was in Florida all last week and got a little behind, so we’ll do a little marching in double-quick time.   In chapter 17 you’ll discover something important about that radio, and find out who “the professor” really is.  In Chapter 18 Roy Ray hits bottom, discovering himself at the lowest point yet.  Will he climb out of his pit of despair, or sink even lower?  You probably can guess the answer to that one, but to learn the particulars, start here.  Then come back and comment.